Weekend
by Your Creator
Summary: It was Friday. Couldn't Cartman give it a rest until Monday? Apparently not. Fem!Cartman x Kyle


_A/N: Hi it's me, coming back from the dead, not really. I posted a fanfic a while ago , and it was super shitty, so I rewrote the damn thing and this is the end result. So I hope you enjoy, because this is actually way better than the original._

 _Not beta'd. All mistakes are mine. I do not own South Park. Fem!Cartman. Sometime in high school_.

"Oi! Kahl! Stop running fuckface!"

Cartman's shrill voice could be heard a mile away, not that Kyle wanted to hear it. Cartman had been trying to catch his attention ever since school had let out, seemingly not giving any indication of stopping any time soon. He hadn't succumbed to her will yet, as he had only been glancing quickly behind his back, just to check if she was still there. Though her continued shouting was all he really needed to confirm that.

Cartman shrieked again frightening some nearby birds off their perch. Kyle was steadily speeding up his pace, her voice was becoming louder, and more haughty as time went on, grating on his nerves. It seemed this was something important, as far as Cartman's standards went.

His actually rather peaceful trek home, since the bus was apparently out of service, had been interrupted about 3 minutes in by Cartman who had been yelling and shrieking obscenities at him relentlessly, trying to catch up with him.

Not going to let that happen, he decided firmly, there was no way he getting wrapped up in whatever Cartman wanted him for, though she probably just wanted to get him riled up.

'Saved by the bell my ass' Kyle thought annoyed. Boring, drawn out lectures about people who had been dead since the 1600's were at least better than this, though Kyle supposed that they basically may well been the same thing, as Cartman usually made snide comments throughout all of history, as well as all their other classes together, which unfortunately meant Kyle had to listen to her almost all day, only catching a break during lunch, but even then she usually forced her presence on him. Like some leech, a very aggressive leech that wouldn't come off, no matter how hard he pried. She had actually gotten them in trouble with their chemistry teacher, Mrs. Keheel. Cartman's fault owing to the fact that she probably knew a bit more about that kind of stuff than she should.

Another screech rang out, more high-pitched than the last couple blips. Kyle wondered idly if Cartman was trying to communicate with bats and not him, but he pushed that thought down rather quickly, that was just stupid, she was way smarter than bats, hell, she probably smarter than she actually let on ... wait, why did he care? Cartman to him, was just some annoying girl who hated his guts for being Jewish, wasn't she? Sure, they had been childhood friends, along with Kenny and Stan, but they were supposed to despise each other, weren't they?

He honestly didn't get what she was playing at. Sure, she did stupid and irritating things just to get under his skin, but today was Friday, couldn't she just give it a rest until Monday? When he had had the weekend to cleanse his system and be prepared for another Cartman filled week. Kyle would've gladly, we'll not gladly but he would have been much more enthused and probably would've even insulted her back if that's what it came to, put up with her on any other day, but she just had to pick today, a perfectly sunny day, nature in it's prime, completely oblivious to to his kind-of internal struggle. But Kyle knew that's what Cartman did for fun, aggravate and aggravate people until they couldn't take it anymore, and they snapped, and that's exactly what Cartman wants, 'what's wrong dipshit? You look like your gonna have a nervous fucking break down or something!'.

Though Kyle seemed to be a special case. If she wasn't pestering Butters to let her copy his homework, which he allowed, not surprisingly, or getting someone's lunch money from them by blackmail and probably very true threats, she was being just downright bitchy towards him, more so than her usual attitude he had noticed. Well, he hadn't turned back yet, if he could just make it to his apartment before she caught up...

A vice grip on his shoulder alerted him that that she had caught up, much to his dismay. Kyle sighed, frustrated. He might as well just get this over with. Whatever Cartman wanted him for, he just hoped she'd be quick about it, his legs were beginning to feel the weight of the week, and he seriously just wanted to get home and flop onto his battered couch and sleep.

"Fucking finally! Don't know when you were gonna turn around, dickhead!" Her voice was even worse up close. "Dammit Cartman" he said, finally accepting defeat and starting to turn around, not bothering to keep the annoyance and tiredness out of his voice. "Can't you just leave me ... " Kyle's voice petered out as he faced Cartman straight on, his mouth slowly starting to gape open. Cartman had to be wearing the most lewd thing he had ever seen. Her white button up shirt was rumpled and scrunched as she held it open, almost proudly. Her red coat that she seemed to always wear, was now tied around her waist falling onto her thighs.

But the thing that she was wearing underneath her shirt was what caught Kyle's unwitting attention.

It was a dark red, see through, black laced bra, and Cartman was just producing her chest to him, out in public, a smirk on her face!

Kyle could feel a burn slowly creeping up his neck into his cheeks, and he didn't think his eyes could get any bigger. "W-what the fuck? Cartamn why are you-?!" He sputtered, looking around bug-eyed and slowly starting to have a minor panic attack. His anger had melted into embarrassment as soon as he had turned around.

Cartman raised her arm to his head, but he was barely aware because just the slightest movements she made were enough to-

flick

Kyle snapped his eyes from her chest to her face in a matter of nano-seconds and suddenly remembered where he was, who he was with, and what he was doing. This made him turn seventy more shades of red and stare hopelessly at Cartman, her pink lips stretching into a grin, brown pigtails bobbing in the early Autumn wind.

"Enjoying what you see?" Cartman teased him, her voice gaining a lilt, all her previous shrieking seemingly forgotten. Kyle quickly assessed the situation. He could a) tell her the truth and say yes b) turn on his heel and sprint the last couple of minutes home or c) try to understand what she was doing. Though b was delightfully more appealing than a or c, he decided on c, steeling himself to do what he desperately just wanted to run from.

"What are you doing?" Kyle noticed his voice was wobbly and jittery, and he felt himself sink even deeper into the depths of mortification. "Showing off" Cartman replied, her voice a complete contrast to his, confident and shameless. "No-I mean-Why are doing this?" Holy shit, he couldn't do this. Whatever Cartman said next was lost to him as it dawned on him that he was crazy to have picked plan c.

Throwing caution to the winds was not something Kyle was good at, nevertheless it was looking pretty satisfactory right about now, and as he felt his face grow the hottest it had gone so far, he managed to utter three words, partially true, to shut Cartman up for him to plan b it. "It looks nice" and with that he dashed away as fast as his legs would carry him, not bothering to look back to see if Cartman had stopped blabbering or not.

Kyle, slipping on Autumn leaves, immediately regretted his decision as his ears picked up her resumed wailing.

"Kahl! What the hell?! I'm talking to you douche!"

Well, Kyle thought, nearly crashing into a mail box, at least she sounded breathless.

 _Yeah, I know. Tell me what you think, it was horrible right?_

 _-Your Creator_


End file.
